Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you inspire me to be a worse person
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
