Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
