eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
