OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
