Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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