i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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