My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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