planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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