kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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