You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
