i jhust puked up my retainher.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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