I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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