if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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