I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
