i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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