i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
