sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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