If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
