i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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