yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
