at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
