I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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