I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
