I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
