I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
