They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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