i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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