I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
