we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
