Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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