have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
