he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
love makes seman taste better
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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