Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
