He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
