You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
