have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
