i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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