I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
