I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
