u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
