i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
