Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
