she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
