How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
