Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
