is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
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There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.