I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize