So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.