and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
