she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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