No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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