I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
