Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
