I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
