So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
