he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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