i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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