Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
