I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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