if i can run in heels then i can drive
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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