Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
