Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she told me i tasted like america
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
