Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
