Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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