is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
