Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
