Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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