Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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